Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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