I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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