i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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