So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
