Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
