I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
