He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
