dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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