it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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