so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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