dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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