I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
