Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
