Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
