God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
this is an emotional support booty call
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize