Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
