mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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