I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
