I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
