exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
