Pappa wants mamma naked
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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