grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
