Please, let me fuck your mom
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We just shotgunned beers for America
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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