you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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