I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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