She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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