There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
