Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
