; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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