one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
