my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
