Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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