addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
