I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
