I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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