So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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