I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
