Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
