Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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