: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
