what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
