I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
