Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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