You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
