it wasn't lemon gatorade
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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