I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
