I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
