Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
