he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
