Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
