saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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