Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
