You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
