ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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