I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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