she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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