Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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