just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
