Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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