party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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