Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
