did you get engaged???
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
