Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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