I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
