What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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