It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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