I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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