you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize