Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
