She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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