Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
