she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
