just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
