so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
