im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
