Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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