she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize