Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
