How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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