I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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