i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
