He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
