So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
