Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
