Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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